Motherhood on a Tuesday

My plan is to do a Motherhood post every Monday. I don't.
I have many plans that don't come to fruition. Many.
I am struggling. Again.
I have a discipline plan. I give in because I am too tired, physically and emotionally. The plan fails. The situation gets worse. I struggle.
I have a routine for housework. I am too tired, physically and emotionally. The routine isn't followed. Mt. Washmore explodes. There is not enough clean underwear.
But in the midst off all this supposed failure are little moments that let me know I am on the right path. I am just having a hard time focusing on these blessings. Again.
I want more time to take care of myself. A half hour each day to go for a nice walk. Do some yoga. Finish reading a book. I don't want this for selfish reasons. I want it so I can be less tired, physically and emotionally. I want it so I can be a better mom. I don't know how to get it.
I need your prayers. Please.

Motherhood Monday

Matthew 25:36-40

"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me, I was in prison, and you came to me. Then the righteous will answer Him 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe you? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You? The King will answer and say to them "Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me."

I haven't felt like the world's greatest mom lately. In fact, I've felt quite inadequate. This bit of scripture was a big wake-up call though. What I do to my children (the least of them) I do to Christ. I do not think He would have appreciated being, well, yelled at this afternoon. I was tired, the children were overtired (thank-you day light savings time) and they were not following The Nite-Nite Rules.
1. Lay down the right way (no head hanging off the bed - half on the floor kinda thing)
2. Be silent (no screaming, no talking, no noises, no singing)
3. No playing (snuggle your stuffed animal, don't make him to the Hokey-Pokey)
4. Go Nite-Nite.

Seems simple enough, but not simple enough for 2 three years olds (or their Mommy. I didn't do such a good job following rule number 3). After having a Mommy Time-Out (going into the kitchen and crying) I returned to the twins room, apologized for yelling and told them why I was so upset. They both apologized for yelling at me and for being mean. I was proud at that moment because their apologizes were completely unsolicited. They both took a couple of deep breaths, as did I, we went over the rules again, and I said night-night to them. They followed the rules exactly, fell asleep on their own, and took a good nap. Mommy and baby brother snuggled together and took a nap as well. Its amazing what a little cry and a good nap can do to improve your day.

As soon as they woke-up, I made sure to thank them for doing such a great job following the rules. We talked about how we could have followed the rules without the screaming, and made plans to do a better job next time. I think, event though I had a bit of a tantrum, that eventually I handled the situation fairly well. We shall see how tomorrow goes!

Motherhood Monday

Some days I question God's sanity. This may sound like a very strange thing to say, but if it does, then you don't have twins. The idea of twins, let alone identical twin boys must have come to the Father on the same day He created the platypus. Just after He created hallucinogenic plants. My identical twin boys are 3 1/2 and so these thoughts cross my mind.

Motherhood Monday

I feel my motherhood threatened once again by the failings of the body that brought 3 beautiful children into this world, but also failed others. The babies I miscarried are daily in my thoughts and prayers. I pray too for the 3 healthy little men I have been entrusted with. It is my prayer that my Lupus remains manageable, and that I am able to be the mother God is calling me to be. The more I learn about this disease, the better I understand the struggles I have been through over the last 20 years. From migraines, to fatigue, to vision problems, and my miscarriages. Even the pre-term birth of Baby Oliver. I struggle with the idea that God gave me these children, the desire to raise them a certain way, and then allowed a huge obstacle to be placed in my path. I know it is only through Him that I will have the strength to do what He is asking me to do.

Motherhood Monday

The little man has arrived. Oliver was born 3 1/2 weeks early, spent 10 days int he NICU and got his first cold at 3 weeks old! Then developed a touch of bronchitis! Not to mention the postpartum complications that have helped to create a very tired Snuffin Mommy! But in the end, the sufferings of this pregnancy and birth have been nothing in comparison to the wonderful blessing I have been given; the privilege to be mother to a beautiful little boy!