Monday, May 24, 2010
I feel my motherhood threatened once again by the failings of the body that brought 3 beautiful children into this world, but also failed others. The babies I miscarried are daily in my thoughts and prayers. I pray too for the 3 healthy little men I have been entrusted with. It is my prayer that my Lupus remains manageable, and that I am able to be the mother God is calling me to be. The more I learn about this disease, the better I understand the struggles I have been through over the last 20 years. From migraines, to fatigue, to vision problems, and my miscarriages. Even the pre-term birth of Baby Oliver. I struggle with the idea that God gave me these children, the desire to raise them a certain way, and then allowed a huge obstacle to be placed in my path. I know it is only through Him that I will have the strength to do what He is asking me to do.